that awkward feeling...

i hate you for making me feel this way..i tried to forget everything coz i thought that it ended together with our junior year..after all, you were the one who's ignoring me whole summer, not replying to my texts and all..so i assumed that everything wouldn't be the same again..i thought that we'll continue to have that cold treatment forever..but what are you trying to prove now..what are you trying to say..what does these things mean - saying 'hi', doing those unusual acts, chatting with me, suddenly being so friendly??? if you're trying to have the closeness back, i think that you're going to fail..you're just making me think deeply, making me feel so confused..those extra ordinary HI's and HELLO's - it gives me a heartache instead of making me feel happy like what i used to feel..

i'm not comfortable being with you now, and im not gonna be again - not in any way..i will always feel so awkward in front of you - forever..our friendship wouldn't be the same again..and you're the reason, or shall i say that it's my fault?! no, it's my damn heart's fault..

On the lighter side...

got this from justine :]

1.* may crush ka ba? kung wala, wag mo nang sagutin yung mga susunod na tanong?
- yup yup

2. *alam mo ba pangalan nya?
- oo naman

3. *kilala ka ba nya?
- yup.

4.*nakausap mo na ba sya?
- yes po

5. *lagi mo ba syang nakikita?
- minsan minsan nalang

6. *lagi ba kayong magkasama?
- medyo dati pero di na ngaun..haha

7. *alam mo ba bahay nya?
- yup, alam ko..

8.*nakapunta ka na ba sa bahay nya?
- oo, ng di sinasadya..ahaha..pero sa labas lang naman

9. *alam ba nya bahay mo?
- hindi..

10.*nakapunta na ba sya sa bahay mo?
- hindi..

11.* may nabigay na ba sya sayo?
- meron..

12.*nahawakan mo na ba ang kamay nya?
- yup =))

13.*nagsayaw na ba kayo?
- yup yup

14.*nakadate mo na ba sya? -hindi

15.*magkakilala ba parents nyo?
- mom ata namin..

16.*cute ba sya?
- hmmm..

17.*magaling bang maggitara?
- di ko alam kasi d ko pa cya nakikitang mag gitara..

18.*magaling bang magdrums?
- di ko rin alam..

19.*magaling bang sumayaw?
- ok lang..

20.*matalino ba?
- pwede na..

21.*sa tingin mo, ok kaya sya sa parents mo?
- aba, hindi ko alam..

22.*sa tingin mo, ok kaya ikaw sa parents nya?
- lalong di ko alam..

23.*wala ba syang bisyo?
- di ako sure..

24.*alam ba nyang crush mo sya?
- may clues lang cguro..

25.*niligawan ka na ba nya?
- hindi noh..

26.*kaibigan mo ba sya?
- oo naman..

27.*mahilig ba syang magcomputer?
- medyo..

28.*may karibal ka ba sa kanya?
- marami..ahaha

29.*pano kung umalis sya, susundan mo ba?
- over naman..

30.*puso ba ang sinusunod mo at hindi isip?
- pantay lang..pareho!

31.*alam mo ba ang gusto nyang babae/lalaki?
- yup..

32.*alam ba nya ang gusto mong babae/lalaki?
- yup yup..

33.*matagal mo na ba siyang gusto?
- hmmm, hindi naman..

34.*mahal mo ba sya?
- as a friend..

35.*mahal na mahal mo ba sya?
- hindi naman..grabe naman..

36.*ibibigay mo ba pati buhay mo?
- HINDI NOH! over.

37.*anong buong pangalan nya?
- Hala, ayoko ngang sabihin! pakialamera ka ah..ahaha..=))

WALA LANG!!!

am i really happy???

kanina, i was able to talk to a very close friend of mine, lets just say that she's like my second mom na..hindi ko siya nakausap for the whole summer and for the first week of school so im glad that I was able to be with her for atleast 45mins to just share things and stories with each other..the whole time that we're together, I know that inside of me, I'm happy for the ONLY reason that i'm with her and that I have her to be there for me..not considering the many problems I have..when were talking and all in that room, I concentrated on every detail that we were talking about..Not minding anything outside that room..it was that time that I was able to forget all of my problems, all of my worries and all other concerns that I have..I felt so relaxed just listening to her and sharing my experiences with her..but in the middle of that happy moment, of that time that I felt that I was problem free, the time that I tried to forget everything, she suddenly asked me if I have any problems..I felt bad thinking that I really have lots of problems but of course I tried my best to hide it for the sake of saving that happy moment..So I said that I'm ok, that I dont have any problems..so we just continued the talk, the laughs and the sharing of memories..we even had 'drama' coz she was thinking that I'm gonna leave her na, which is not true..I'm gonna graduate na kasi so she said that I'm gonna be busy na daw with my college life..oh well, so we cried--yeah, we cried but we laughed and smiled ALOT!

after 45mins. she told me that she's going na coz she's going to do a lot of stuff pa sa we said goodbye na to each other, hugged each other and there..she told me na she's just there for me no matter what and that she loves me as her own..

I left that room..went back to real life..I tried to keep myself happy but I cant help it..naisip ko nanaman lahat..I'm now thinking if I deserve the happiness I had awyl ago coz I think that I dont..I LIED TO HER!! and its just not right! its unfair for her, i was wrong, im damn bad! hindi ko sinabi sa kanya ung totoo kong situation..I hate this..I just hope that she'll understand..but im really guilty sa ginawa ko..IM SORRY..I just dont want to be a burden for her..that's all..

DAMN LIFE! I want to recover from all of these soon..

am i really happy? OFCOURSE NOT!  =|